THOUGHTS AND WORDS - PIERRE I WILL MISS YOU

I cannot find any photo tonight that will do this entry justice. My hart is shattered .....My brother, Pierre, lost his battle yesterday and passed away. I wish I could describe how I feel but the words feel so stupid. I just have this acute sense of loss. Selfish loss. My loss. What I am going to miss and not have any more. And then it still feels so totally unreal at times..........
I WILL MISS: (To name but a few)
Pierre's phone calls 2x per week.
Always so positive towards me and what I am doing.
Always made me feel good.
Always had a joke on hand.
The exact same sense of humor as mine.
Talking without words, only eye contact was enough.
Having too much coffee from your coffee machne.
Your intefering in my whole being.
Really listening to my opinion.Asking my opinion.
Your unconditional love for me........
Your smile, voice, walk.
Shit Pierre I WILL MISS YOU SOOOOOO MUCH....
I have so many good memories to work with, and that is what I am consentrating on at the moment. I try and call on all the good times and laughs, as I think Pierre would apreciate it to be remebered with love and laughs.
Through all these thoughts I have to think of his kids too. My hart goes out to them as they have also had a huge loss. Much bigger than mine....... I do know Pierre had a wonderful relationship with all his kids and loved and admired each and every one of them.
I am not flying back to SA for his funeral service as I have just arrived in Dubai and I did see him before I left SA. He was so positive and excited about the Dubai expedition. . . He kept on asking how Hannes is and he just thinks this is great...... So I am going to do this expedition so that he can watch me from his special plac and enjoy it with me. I am too scared to go to the funeral as well as I will be alone and I do not thik I will beable to handle that. It is just so much easier to cy n Hannes's shoulde that alne into my pillow....
I am so grateful that I had days in JHB with him after some of my overseas trips. He always enjoyed my stories and antics of where I was and what I encountered. Also I am glad I took the effort to go to ICU after his accident.
My boys als took the news badly, especially Rossouw. I wish they were here with us to be able to share our thoughts and tears and laughs.
I must say Pierre lived his life in fast forward mode all the time. He seemed to love life and was so contented with his or rather happy. Only one thing he would have liked to change and that is to have more time......That you can interpret any way. He would have loved to have a longer day. longer night, moe time to mission.............
I LOVE YOU PIERRE AND ALWAYS WILL. GOODBYE MY BROTHER. GOODBYE MY FRIEND.
L